My first book or stay away from the Hoola Island

Life is full of "firsts". First kiss. First time you tried beer. First time you went abroad. First time you stalled a car... All are memorable, no doubt... Although, in my case, I have no idea when I tried beer for the first time. Clearly, it didn't rock my world. But do you remember your first book? 

The cover picture of that wretched book...

I do. Its title was "Stay away from the Hoola Island", or something similar. It was a story of a girl named Agnes, who went on a terribly twisted journey with a Man with the Pointy Head, who then turned out to be the Moon himself. Imagine the craziest dream you've ever had and add a talking fork. It's that kind of a book.

It not only traumatised and bent me for life, but also opened the gates of my sick imagination. And once you leave the door to that dimension hanging hopelessly on one hinge, all Hell breaks loose and swooshes through this world like a cow with a jet engine in its ass through the corn fields of Iowa.

It was not the happiest start of my adventures with literature. But it was a start and I assume also an inspiration. That was perhaps why I wrote my first book at the age of 12.

It was a story of two dwarfs, Tok and Sam, who were tasked to make a trip all the way to Venus (yep, that planet in the Solar system) and destroy the Great Diamond. The giant jewel for some reason devoured other planets. It was time for the Diamond to suck the dear life out of the Earth, and hence two heroes somehow went looking for it, on their way meeting the Great Pike (yep, a fish... on Venus) and a turtle. I never actually got round to finishing it, but it was going to end with our good old Earth being saved and Tok and Sam returning safely to their village, where the eternal glory would be cast upon them.

Planet-devouring bastard... BEWARE!

Thinking back now, I am not quite certain how my life would turn out had I not read that weird, awful piece of writing. But I am convinced, deep down, that the first book your child reads somehow stays with her or him for the rest of their lives. My advice? Choose wisely, because you do not want the Man with the Pointy Head to visit them at night...